I have no qualms with people who drink coffee, none at all. 'Coffee drinkers' or 'coffee lovers', on the other hand, don't get me started.

Well, ok, I will.

I'm not entirely sure when the Central Perk coffee house trend made its way over to the UK from NBC's portrait of blue-collar America, but it is well cemented in society now. 

Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and Monica have a lot to answer for. Damn them.

As pubs die out at a dozen a day, coffee shops sprout up in their place like weeds through the beer-laced floorboards.

How many cups of tea/coffee should you drink a day? 

I joke. Coffee shops are actually a great place to grab a drink or something to eat at a fraction of restaurant prices and for a darn sight quicker.

I'm a devout follower of Yorkshire Tea, but I do drink coffee when the occasion calls for it. Because, well, I always thought that was the point of it.

It's just a drink to get you pinging in the morning. Crack for the office worker. Isn't it?

Well, no, as it turns out. Coffee is now a lifestyle.

According to Sirincci Coffee Company, these are the 'stereotypes' of particular coffee drinkers.

  • Espresso drinkers are bold and efficient, appreciating the strong, rich taste of their brew.
  • Latte lovers are creative and value balance, enjoying the interplay of coffee with milk and flavors.
  • Black coffee drinkers favor simplicity and tradition, opting for a straightforward coffee experience.
  • Decaf consumers are health-conscious and caffeine-sensitive, participating in coffee culture on their terms.
  • Cold brew aficionados are patient trendsetters, valuing quality and the craft of coffee making.

Grow up, it's a sodding drink.

"Hi, can I take your order?" the waitress (sorry, Barista!) asked.

"Certainly," Genevieve replied, "I'd like a grande caramel macchiato in a venti cup, 1/3 whole milk, 1/3 almond milk, 1/3 soy milk, double the amount of vanilla syrup, caramel wall in the cup, no caramel drizzle on top, tall cup ice, whipped cream, rounded lid, 1 shot extra espresso (decaf), cinnamon sprinkled on top. For the name of G-E-N-E-V-I-E-V-E, please."

Coffee drinkers, I never understood them, but thanks to Tassimo, I had a chance to step into their Crocs for myself.  Escape my instant black coffee two-sugars comfort zone and see if I could have a cardiac arrest 'the right way', for a change.

Press the only button on the machine (the instructions were binned immediately) and let the Tassimo do the rest.Press the only button on the machine (the instructions were binned immediately) and let the Tassimo do the rest. (Image: Newsquest)

Tassimo machines range from about £40 upwards and are one of the most trusted brands among connoisseurs. 

See here for more details.

They sent me a machine this week to try for myself, along with two different sets of pods.

I have to say, the set-up could not be easier. Plug it in, fill the back up with water, pop a pod in the top and place a cup on the holder. So simple.

My choices of pods were 'American Smooth' and 'Columbia.' As I'm an Oasis fan, I tried the latter first.

Press the only button on the machine (the instructions were binned immediately) and let the Tassimo do the rest.

It looked a damn better than my typical Shrek-like coffee that I make in the mornings, I have to say, but how would it taste?

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Well, put it this way: I've used it almost every morning since, and the instant stuff is gathering cobwebs. I hate myself.

Alright, I'm still some way off becoming a Genevieve in some boujee high-street gaff, but I have to say Tassimo has converted me into being a - dare I say it - coffee lover.

It was a pure revelation.

I've even agreed to start going on morning walks after a cup, which, considering my nightly medication could knock out a hippo, is saying something.