A firearms officer turned author from Southampton is battling his trauma by writing paranormal fiction novels.
Ian Backhouse, 55, was born in Swaythling, but left the city in 1995 to join the Met Police after being rejected by Hampshire Constabulary due to his poor eyesight, serving until 2007.
“I was driving in a police vehicle and saw a pub lit up in Christmas lights, and for the first time ever, I wanted to be in that pub instead of the vehicle,” Ian admitted.
Ian knew his heart was no longer in it, and he then spent 10 years as a professional drummer after leaving the Met, battling severe depression which was later diagnosed as Bipolar disorder.
Ian said: “When you’re in the job, you just get on with it. If you turn up at a scene and you’re in pieces, who else is going to help these people?
“It became something you were proud of, being emotionless, and you didn’t have time to process it. And back then, mental health was not accepted."
Ian noted that there were three things he always wanted to do in life: join the police, drum and write.
Having ticked off the first two, the coronavirus lockdown in 2020 gave him the opportunity to complete his trifecta and he published his first book, Beneath the Dark.
Ian has now independently published a further two books, with a third titled "Whisper A Prayer" in the works, but notes that his Bipolar disorder often slows his progress.
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“When you come out of a crash, it feels like you’re another person sometimes," Ian said.
"But it doesn’t mean that you’re defined by it.
“It motivates me in a dark way, because I try not to ponder on when the next crash is coming, you’ve got to live in the moment when those days are good and really appreciate and be productive in them.”
Ian never had to fire a weapon during his years as a firearms officer.
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“At the end of the day, you are there to preserve life,” Ian said.
“You would be aware that if you discharged your weapon and they lost their life, you had to have a serious well-held belief that you were saving the lives of other people, or one person, who was at the absolute mercy of the suspect.”
“If the suspect is acting in a way that the firearms team has been called out, there is clearly a danger to life.”
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