WHEN Maria Smith's partner told her that he had to go away with work and that they wouldn't be in contact for a few days, she was worried that he was ending their long-distance relationship.

In fact, the man she had been friends with for a decade and in a relationship with for around a year was preparing to take his own life.

That was in September and, understandably, Maria was devastated.

She had met Eli at university in Southampton. They saw each other a couple of times a year, but spoke everyday, chatting on Skype at night, due to the time difference – Eli was a pilot in the Royal Canadian Airforce.

Maria says she had known that Eli was unhappy but had had no idea just how much he was struggling with life.

"He had always been a people-pleaser and felt like he was pleasing everyone else and not himself," says the 29-year-old nurse from Sholing.

"Being a pilot was his dream job, but around a year before his death, he was signed off with depression, which made him feel worse, although they were very supportive of him.

"I knew he was very depressed and that he'd had suicidal thoughts in the past, but I thought that he'd come through it in the past, and that he would do again.

"What's happened has completely changed my understanding of mental health."

After Eli called Maria to say that he was going away for a few days, his mother called her to say that he had gone missing. Then, a couple of days later, his body was found. He had taken his own life.

"While he was missing, I was worried but started to build up hope that maybe he had just gone away somewhere," says Maria.

"Then I got a phone call at 5am from his mother, and I knew that it was going to be bad news."

Maria was devastated. She stayed with her parents for a while, who helped her perform a farewell ceremony to coincide with Eli's funeral, as she could not afford to fly out to be there in person.

She says that the distance nature of the relationship has made it particularly difficult for her to process what has happened and to find closure.

"I asked for help straight away," she says.

"I went to my GP, who referred my to Steps to Wellbeing but they said it was too early – I was in the bereavement phase. They suggested I looked for bereavement support, and I found Butterflies Bereavement Support in Romsey.

"Even they said that it was very early but they really helped me."

Maria started by gong to a group event and then went on to receive one-to-one counselling from the volunteer-run service.

The charity is now launching a suicide prevention and support project.

"Being bereaved by suicide is definitely very different to other bereavements," says Maria.

"In the early stages, I felt a lot of guilt. It's unexpected and you have all the 'what ifs' and wondering why you didn't recognise it earlier and why he didn't come to me. And there's also blame, of yourself, of others.

"That's got a lot better. I also didn't believe it was real for a long time.

"I also began to experience anxiety, that people near me would show signs that they were suicidal, that I needed to recognise.

"I still get bad days, but there are a lot more good days. I do yoga and mindfulness and also lindy hop dancing, to take me away from it.

"Butterflies also helped me so much. I'd definitely like to be involved as a volunteer there in the future."

Butterflies, a community based registered charity based in Romsey, providing year-round bereavement care and support, is developing a new project to provide specialist suicide prevention and support.

Butterflies provides services which include counselling sessions, bereavement groups, drop-in and chat sessions, friendship groups, walks, telephone support and community support hubs.

A year ago, through discussions with volunteers and supported families, it became very clear that there was a growing need for more community-based support for both those contemplating suicide and those affected by suicide.

After preparing a working plan, the project idea has secured £9000 in Lottery funding to train volunteers in suicide awareness and support and to support the creation of a community project to involve a wide range of people, including health professionals, community safety teams, emergency services and others.

Paul, Butterflies' voluntary team leader and counsellor, says: "Last autumn more people approached us for support so it became very apparent that there was not one specialist service which could meet the needs of those left behind or those who may themselves be struggling with suicidal feelings.

‘We feel strongly that Butterflies should be offering a prevention service that forms an outreach programme that can have a presence either physically or through prominent literature in schools, community and the workplace."

The vision of the Butterflies Suicide Support Project is that no one should have to feel so alone that they feel they have nowhere to turn for support.

Butterflies hopes that no one has to ashamed or too embarrassed to seek help, no matter how big or small they think their problems are difficult feelings can affect anyone.

The organisation believes that barriers to services should be minimised and it offers appointments within the community for the community.

"I have to thank Butterflies for being so supportive," says Maria.

"I'd say to anyone who is bereaved by suicide, 'be kind to yourself, reach out when you need to and don't be afraid to ask for support.

"Take things day by day, and know that it's OK not to be OK. We're only human."

* Butterflies is currently looking for input from the community to help move this unique project through its development stages. For more information, visit www.butterfliesbereavement.co.uk, or email info@butterfliesbereavement.co.uk