Daniel was mute as a child, but he's found his voice

He could talk to his immediate family but he was unable to speak to those outside that circle – not to classmates of years, not to teachers and not to family friends who had known him all his life.

Daniel suffered from selective mutism (SM), an anxiety condition, with sufferers unable to speak in certain social situations, which made all forms of communication difficult –even emailing his teachers about his schoolwork.

Even with his immediate family, he tended not to initiate conversations, but would join in.

His mother, Catherine, said that when he was very young, there was no sign that there were going to be any issues. Daniel was talking by the age of two, but didn't settle in at preschool, and found it traumatic, rarely speaking.

Things got worse when he went to primary school, and from that point, he could only speak to very close family.

The family, from Hordle in the New Forest, researched Daniel's condition and realised that he was suffering from selective mutism, but while they passed their research onto Daniel's school, which put strategies in place to help him, his condition didn't improve.

Those around him adapted to his silence and Daniel went through life only able to communicate a fraction of his thoughts and feelings.

But, at last, Daniel has found his voice, and is able to speak for himself, not just with immediate family, but even with complete strangers.

 

Daniel as a teenager

"It was hard," says Daniel.

"There were so many times when I really wanted to say something, but I just couldn't, especially in school. It was hard knowing the answer to a question and seeing that nobody else did, but not being able to share it. It was also tough working in groups and not being able to contribute my ideas, therefore having to go along with others, despite thinking it was a terrible idea.

"The lack of real friends that SM caused was also difficult. I had many people who would try to include me at school, which I appreciated, by my SM held me back from making any real friends."

Daniel was first interviewed by the Echo in March, 2014, answering questions by email following a face-to-face meeting.

"I was pleased when it was published, as it helped to raise awareness of SM, and I was able to share the article with my peers at school, which gave them a greater understanding of the reason that I didn't speak," he says.

But the turning point came for him in the summer of 2015.

"I had one year left of sixth form, and I realised that, after 14 years of school, it was never going to be a place where I was able to speak freely, so I changed my focus to increasing my confidence outside of school, which mostly involved church activities," he says.

"That summer, I was involved with helping with the children's holiday club at the church.

"Since then, every step I've taken, my confidence has grown. It was hard and at times my life became an emotional rollercoaster, but looking back, I can see what a positive time it was in overcoming my SM."

Communication didn't suddenly become easy for Daniel.

He remembers his first job interview as the most terrifying experience of his life. He stood outside the building, paralysed with fear, and puts his ability to enter down to his Christian faith and the strength of Jesus in him, rather than himself.

But although he struggled to answer the questions, just being there and answering at all was a huge success for him.

Daniel couldn't find employment, and decided to take a short trip overseas as a volunteer with a Christian charity.

 

Daniel, second from right, with other volunteers

In October 2016, he spent two weeks with the charity in Brussels, helping out with practical tasks, such as painting and also did some sightseeing.

"Looking back, it's hard to believe I did it," he says.

"So soon after leaving school, where I barely spoke, I was flying on my own to an unknown city to meet people I'd never met before, and didn't have much idea of what I would be doing there.

"I'd never travelled on my own before and the only time I'd flown was to Edinburgh!

"If I'd thought about it logically, I think it would have seemed like a ridiculously stupid thing to do."

Again, Daniel attributes his strength to Jesus.

After feeling awful on his first night, and wishing he hadn't gone, Daniel loved the trip, and didn't want to leave when it was time to return home.

"The group I worked with, who were mostly American, commented on the fact that was quiet, but I don't think they could have imagined the scale of where I'd come from," he says.

"To go somewhere where nobody knew anything about my past, and therefore had no presumptions about me, was freeing."

In early 2017, Daniel got a job with a small local company, helping with the administration of their e-commerce website, which he says was another important step in overcoming SM.

His next big step came a year later, when he left his job in order to begin five months training with the organisation he had volunteered with previously. This meant taking another big step – moving to a training centre in Birmingham, away from his family.

 

Daniel has been able to travel

"An even greater challenge for me was evangelism, which involved sharing my faith with people on the street. For someone who wouldn't speak to anyone outside my family three years earlier, speaking to strangers on the street was probably the craziest thing to attempt, but by this point, I considered my SM to be behind me."

Daniel has since returned to volunteer with the organisation, as part of the communication team, and will be going to Albania for at least three months in February.

"With this role involving interviewing people, it's so far from what I'd imagined myself doing, and almost unbelievable, considering where I've come from," he says.

Daniel says that while he feels he will always have to manage the underlying anxiety that caused his communication difficulties, the SM itself is behind him.

"It's something I will have to manage and control and I'm not super-confident," he says.

"It's obvious that I'm quieter than most other people. I wouldn't usually involve myself in small talk, but only speak when I want to communicate something.

"The difference is that now I know I'm able to speak whenever I want to."

* For more information and support, visit www.selectivemutism.org.uk