WHEN a friend suggested that Kristianne Drake took a test for autism, she thought he was joking.

But, having recently been diagnosed with the condition himself, he encouraged her to get her computer out and do the Autism Spectrum Quotient screening test.

"I got a high score and it surprised me a bit, but I laughed it off," says the 48-year-old from Shirley.

"But I did it a few more times on different occasions, and I got the same score, so I started to see something in it."

Kristianne says that initially she thought a formal test would rule out the disorder, but she knew she was struggling to cope with aspects of her life.

"When I asked my doctor to send me for testing, she said 'you're a highly functioning, successful grown up woman. You obviously cope really well in life. Why do you need to do this'," says Kristianne, who is married with a 23-year-old son and works as a programme manager for Artswork.

"That was a bit of a breaking point for me, because that's what I look like on the outside.

"Sometimes when I get in from work, there's just nothing left inside. I've spent the day sense checking, for example remembering to look at people when I'm speaking to them and saying the right thing.

"It's exhausting and sometimes when I cross the threshold it can be days or weeks that I have next to no functioning. Only after I said that was she prepared to send me."

Kristianne had her first assessment in December last year and was told that, while further tests were needed, she definitely had Asperger's syndrome.

"I was relieved by the diagnosis," says Kristianne, who received her full diagnosis and report in April this year.

"There have been things about my behaviour and how I am that aren't necessarily the way I or society think they should be.

"I've learnt to make adjustments to allow me to function – not always successfully.

"I grew up with a lot of criticism for the way I did things."

Kristianne says that she has always struggled with wanting to tell the truth and assuming that others are also being honest.

"I say what I see," she says.

"You learn not to say the obvious things, like that someone's bottom looks big, but often I say things and people can look at me in shock and I realise that although what I've said wasn't rude, it wasn't the done thing to say it.

"When you're a child you're told to always tell the truth. No one says it's actually OK to lie. Neuro-typical people pick up on the emotional signals but that's difficult for me. I don't think I'll ever fully get to grips with how it works.

"I've also suffered because I've assumed other people are telling the truth. I've suffered at the hands of people who have been psychologically abusive.

Kristianne says that as a child she learnt to fit in, whether that meant sitting on her hands to avoid fidgeting with them, or trying to show an interest in things that other girls her age were into.

Although bright, she struggled with exams because she wasn't able to ask questions about the questions themselves, and often couldn't understand what exactly was being asked.

"I kept trying to emulate people who seemed successful," she says.

"There is this idea that you can keep reinventing yourself when you go to a new school or whatever, but you can't. It doesn't ever really happen and you're still there – you can't fool yourself."

Kristianne is also sensitive to sound and touch, being bothered by noises that others don't even register, and finding seams and labels in clothing itchy and uncomfortable.

"People assume that I struggle when I'm around strangers but being in a room full of strangers, like a cafe, is easy, because no one is likely to speak to me.

"Being with people I know, at a party or out with friends or family, is much more difficult because people say 'Hi, how are you?' and Kristianne gives them a break down of how life has been for the past week, then looks up and realises that that isn't what they meant. I find chit chat really awkward and uncomfortable.

"If a friend suggests we go for a coffee to chat about X, I'm fine with that. But if they say lets just go for a coffee, I don't really get it. I've got coffee at home."

Kristianne says that her diagnosis has helped her, both in terms of understanding herself and also in managing her life better so that she isn't so drained by constantly self monitoring and maintaining the behaviour expected of her.

This has included sharing her diagnosis with her team at work, where she has received a great deal of support, working from home when possible to avoid being in noisy and crowded environments, and asking for televisions and stereos to be turned down at home when she needs some quiet time.

"If I'm having a hard week, I can go in and say I'm struggling a bit," says Kristianne, who also experiences mental health issues, including depression, anxiety and rapid mood cycling, where she can rapidly go from feeling euphoric to very low.

"At home, I can ask for music to be turned down. I used to feel like I was nagging all the time.

"The diagnosis has been a massive relief because it means I'm not a bad person," she adds.

"I've been told that all my life."

Kristianne struggled as a child, not sharing interests with other children her age, but found solace in the punk scene as a teenager.

"A good thing about that scene was that it was OK to be who you were and there was that sense of sticking two fingers up at the world, but you start to realise as you're growing up that you can't carry on sticking two fingers up at everyone.

"You have to find ways to enable others to support who you are."

One of the ways that Kristianne has reached out to others is through a blog about having Asperger's syndrome, https://awkwarddemographic.wordpress.com/.

She was previously writing another blog about her art, spoken word pieces and mental health issues, and it felt natural to blog about her diagnosis.

"When I got the full report, I was struggling to sleep and had a lot of voices in contention in my head thinking about what the diagnosis meant for the past, present and future," she says.

"I didn't know what to do with it and I needed to put it down somewhere so I didn't have to think about it anymore.

"I could have written it and hidden it away somewhere, but I found that as I told people about it, they wanted to know more and so it was good to be able to direct people to the blog so they could read about it there."

Kristianne says that while she is still processing aspects of her autism report, receiving a diagnosis has been a very positive experience.

"I am unlocking better ways of being able to exist in a neuro-typical world," she says.

"The only negative is that I'm now questioning the other 47 and a half years of my life, to some extent. I've never been one to say 'if only' but this is the one thing to make me think about that.

"My relationships and education journeys would probably have been different if I'd had a diagnosis, but then I wouldn't be where I am now, and I think I'm OK.

"I try to have a good life, and be open to the struggles of others.

"People might look like they're high functioning and successful, but no one knows what's going on on the inside.

"I know that better than a lot of people."